You're Not Alone

I read recently that someone who is going through depression can often feel lonely, and that one of the best things that we can do to help them is to let them know that we are close by.

 December is here. It's the start of the most festive of seasons, and the most lonely and sorrowful times of the year. December is bittersweet in our home. December is a very vivid reminder that we are no longer graced by the presence of our very first little girl. December is when we lost a dear, dear friend. December, in essence, sucks. And yet...

 December is when the Elf on the Shelf makes his appearance (much to my chagrin - that Elf is high maintenance!), and the look of sheer joy on our kids' faces when he shows up is priceless. The tree and its decorations go up, the menorah is dusted off and the neighbourhood is filled with lights. Everything points to peace and happiness. And yet...

 The fact remains, this time of the year is hard, not just for my family, but for so many. As much as we might try to forget the grief, or at least put it aside, so that we can enjoy a bit of holiday cheer, December shows up like a bad smell. Why am I feeling so short on patience? What is with those drivers? What the hell am I crying for in the middle of the day? Why am I having panic attacks for no apparent reason? I always seem to forget that December sucks, until it's here, staring me smack in the face, and I'm caught like a deer in the headlights waiting for the inevitable crash.

 I'm feeling stuck, just like my friend, filled with anxiety. I'm hurting, just like my friend with chronic pain. I'm depressed, and trying desperately to keep busy, to meditate, to exercise it away. And I realize, maybe I just need to give in to the grief. It's there for a reason. It's proof that I loved my little girl to the ends of the Earth and back. It sucks, but there it is.

 And just like that, I also realize how very lucky I am to have had eight precious months with our baby. I'm forever grateful for the two beautiful children that now grace our home with their presence, and for the wonderful husband that stands by my side. I've got amazing friends, a great career and the chance to inspire others. I know that I am not alone. And neither are you.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Standing Still

Image
 A sense of accomplishment. That's what I felt at the end of this run yesterday. A sense of closure, even. A big fat "phew!". This pas Fall, I began a workout program designed to get me to a 5km run. I spent at least an hour a day doing strength training followed by a 20 minute run with intervals. At the end of the program, I was to run a 5km. Oh, how I prepared! I was diligent in my training and pushing myself past my limits, proud of the progress I was making. I even downloaded music on my phone so that I would have a playlist for my big day (something I never, ever do). I took care to do the stretches and take my rest days so that my body would be able to do the distance easily. I mean, this wasn't my first rodeo. I've done plenty of 10km runs, two half-marathons and regular strength training for years. Hell, I even went so far as to start meditating and visualizing this run. This was going to be a no-brainer. The day was fast approaching and the weather in Cal...
Read more

What Are You Afraid Of?

Image
Spiders? Heights? Social situations? Death? Whatever it is you're afraid of, you can rest assured that you're not alone. Fear is a normal and natural reaction, and no matter what others may say, they've been scared, too. The question really becomes, what do I do with this fear? How do I handle being afraid, especially when it makes me feel so alone? And I think the answer is this: talk about it and do something about it. I know that when I feel fearful, I talk to someone I trust. I lay on the table what makes me scared and nervous, I give it a name, I declare it from the rooftops (ok, not the rooftops - I'm terrified of heights!). I feel as though giving voice to my uncertainty, my panic, my anxiety, I am diminishing its hold on me. Fear only has the power that we give it. Yes, it's there, it exists, but it doesn't have to cripple us. Fear is an important fact of life. It keeps us alive. Sure, we don't have to hunt for our survival anymore, but "s...
Read more

Walking a Tight Rope

Image
The courageous conversation, the difficult discussion, the hard talk... Whatever you want to call it, I hate it. Passionately. In public, in private, personally, professionally, the mere thought of confronting someone sends a tsunami raging through my brain and gets my stomach tied up in a swirling tornado. Ugh. Growing up, I did not learn how to stand up and say what needed to be said. Instead, I learned how to say what people wanted to hear and appease them for the time being. I discovered ways of getting around the issue or avoiding it altogether. I became adept at observing, keeping my opinions to myself and using words very, very carefully. Good qualities to have, sure, but not always the best way to go in every situation. While I was doing my graduate certificate through a local university, I discovered that this was a skill that I could learn. Perfect, since I love learning new things. The professor was just the right kind of encouraging, and my classmates were ultra support...
Read more